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I’m almost quite certain…

- Prof E E E Eccles-Cake

Recent research has proved that the slime secreted by slugs actually increases the yield of garden vegetables and improves the health of flowers.

After years of statistical analysis, involving thousands of slugs, Professor Egbert Eric E Eccles-Cake of 40 Eaton Road, Barrytown, has discovered a symbiotic relationship which is set to rock the slug pellet industry.

At a conference in his garden shed, Professor Eccles-Cake was pleased to announce, “The poison industry will almost certainly be upset, I think. Though the opportunity for slug feed should not be underestimated.” Since his announcement shares in egg shells have dropped to an all time low.

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